I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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