I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
