i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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