My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
