if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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