come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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