Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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