My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
