If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
