This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
