Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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