Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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