margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
