so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
