I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
