So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
