Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize