i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
