I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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