i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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