Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My pussy is not your playground.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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