Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize