cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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