I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
