There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
