On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
