I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
