is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
