I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
