So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.