im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.