we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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