I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.