so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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