please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
