Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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