would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
