I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
