So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
smell my finger.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
