You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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