When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
