You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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