Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
