I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
