i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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