I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
