i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Only a mothe r could love this liver
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
