WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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