so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
