I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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