I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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