I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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