i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
