My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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