ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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