I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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