I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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