I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
