can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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