My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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