Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
