I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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