when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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