Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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