she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
