I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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