oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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