Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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