she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
