Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
