Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
